I often feel the temptation. I miss the pull, the burn, the crimson beads. I sometimes want to dig my nails into my skin until I can peel my flesh off. I want to rip the hair from my scalp. I want to escape myself. Sometimes I really wonder why I’m with you.You were the only man to care. To treat me right. I was broken and you shone like a light and I was like a fly, drawn to you. But the light bulb went out. You will not touch me. I crave you. Your kiss. Your skin against mine. But you will not give me this. You are too tired. You’re sick. Not now. But it’s not ever. I hate myself. You say I am beautiful. That you are attracted to me. Liar. If I was even remotely good enough you’d want me. You ignore me. I am crying. You’re angry. I have to leave the room and cry alone. I am disturbing you. With my crushed heart. You scoff at me and pull the cover over your face. Not again. I bring this up to much. Later you say. Liar. And I wonder why I can’t have a man who is kind and one who is attracted to me. Maybe I expect to much. Maybe I can’t have both. Or maybe I’m too ugly, too fat. And maybe I’m better off alone.
I love when you become so close with someone that you can see parts of each other in one another and you begin to say the same things and steal lines from one another and have a similar sense of humor and can exchange an inside joke with just a glance you don’t even have to talk because you have such a strong connection with them and you can sit in comfortable silence but also talk for hours it’s really hard to find that kind of compatibility